Pavo Frio.

My favorite uncle came to visit me today. He currently lives in Georgia, but his financial advisor lives here, so he paid him (and us) a visit.

The reason he's my favorite uncle is because of one simple thing:

He's the most honest person in my entire family.

No bullshit. No gimmicks. Even if it's not nice, pretty, or pristine, he'll always keep in 100.

He also came down to get some advice from his sister (my Moms) about another situation with another uncle (their brother). We'll call him Uncle #2.

Four years ago, Unc #2 and my father lost their jobs due to outsourcing. They had worked for the company (very well known and VERY wealthy) for about 20 years apiece. Seeing the loyalty, they were offered other positions within the company, but, of course, at lesser pay. My father accepted a position, while Unc #2, consumed with animosity and pride, declined. Four years later, my father is still in the same position he was offered with his old salary from his previous job while Unc #2 is still jobless. Fast forward 2 years later, where my favorite uncle got hit by a car in a horrific accident. After all the court fees, he got a substantial settlement. Long story short, Unc #2 is being provided for my my fav. uncle, to his own financial detriment.

It's now come to a head.

My fav. uncle is tired of being taken advantage of. Due to his stubborn pride, Unc #2 refuses to help himself and just rests on fav. uncle's laurels. A deadline has been set and my fav. uncle is afraid that this could end the relationship he has with his brother, and due to our family history, this usually leads to both parties erasing the other out of their lives. My grandmother did it to her daughter. One of my other uncles completely disowned all of us, including his own kids.

In other words, we're REAL good for this shit.

Now he (fav. uncle) is trying desperately to not let it get to that point. He doesn't want to hurt his brother, but he can't financially do it anymore. He can't take care of him, his wife, and pay for his brother in a whole other state either.

And he was asking my family (me, my sister, my parents) what he should do.

I've come to the realization that this is happening (in some form or another) to a lot of people I deal with, and can be translated to many different types of relationships.

Here's what I said.

First things first: If helping/caring for/loving someone is to your detriment, LET GO. If you are incapable of doing those things (help/care for/love) yourself, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO DO IT FOR SOMEONE ELSE. You can't.

Next, once someone you put all your care in, in any capacity, completely disregards how they are treating you, all interactions should be changed from personal to business. Being taken advantage of? Cut that shit off cold turkey and keep it moving. Someone not respecting your feelings? Cut that shit off and keep it moving. Someone completely ignoring your wants, needs, hopes, and desires?

CUT. THAT. SHIT. OFF. AND. KEEP. IT. MOVING.

As soon as the rules of engagement change on their end, in order for your self preservation and dignity to stay intact, you MUST change with it. Once the other party sees you ain't playing, they'll either renegotiate and try to work things out or leave for someone who wants to play on THEIR terms, so you really don't need that toxic person in your life ANYWAY. Let Go, Let God.

Buh-bye.

Now, no one said it's gonna be easy. You care about this person. You don't want to see them upset. But you hurting yourself is not gonna help them. Breaking away is THE HARDEST thing to do. I know what that feels like.

"I'll never get over it." "S/He'll never forgive me." "I'll never find that again."

(That second one is dependant on the situation. But personally I feel that if you've done nothing wrong, you shouldn't ask for forgiveness. But whatever.)

All those things can be true if you put yourself in that position. But if by involving yourself with someone causes you to lose/hurt you, you have to get out quick, or you risk sinking with the Titanic of a problem you chose to drown with.

I was in love with someone for far too long who depleted me as a person. Then it was over.

::snap:: Done.

And, I'll be the first to admit it. I hurt for 366 days. I went thru what I thought was the worst pain imaginable.

But on that 367th day, I felt something I didn't feel in a while.

Liberation.

To be rid of negative, heavy load that I chose to carry for so long was otherworldly. I didn't have to worry about hurting someone else's feelings because I was nurturing my own. Feeling that opened up many things that were closed off to me because I was so consumed by what I was giving to someone who didn't care.

The key is to put yourself in a position to both help yourself (FIRST), and others. And also to decipher who's not in it with you to help themselves, but to help build you up as well.

Now listen. You need to come to the realization that there are hard-headed people out there who need to learn the hard way. The only way they know not to touch the hot stove is to be burned by it.

Let them. Will it hurt them? Absolutely. Will it hurt you? Yes, but not as long as you think. And how long will solely depend on you. Will it ultimately help them? If they are truly receptive, Exponentially.

Cold Turkey is the hardest, but bravest decision to make when it comes to people who leech off of you financially, emotionally, mentally, and physically, with the best results in the long run.

Try it and see.

But if you don't, you're basically telling yourself that the only way for this person to be happy is if you're not.

MAKES NO SENSE.

Walk away, and if it reconnects organically and things have changed for the better, then you're well on your way to a happy life. If it leaves you permanently, you've just made room for someone better to occupy that space.

Win-Win.

CuCu